The One That Pissed You Off

I've been thinking a lot in recent days about the debate that's broken out about whether or not it is appropriate for the government to legislate that all institutions - employers, universities, hospitals - need to provide contraceptives to their health care consumers. The Catholic church is well known for its stance against birth control and so the proposed contraception mandate was interpreted on one side as an attack on religious rights and freedoms, and on the other side as a needed step towards ensuring women's health.

I know that many folks strongly feel that this is a "no-brainer" and that a government mandate is, if anything, long overdue. However, after pondering it for awhile, I've decided that I am opposed to it. I almost hesitate to say so publicly after seeing the abusive and hateful behavior of some well-known conservatives. I don't want to be associated with such bigotry. So, before I go any further I will reference the public letter released recently by the President of Georgetown University: http://www.georgetown.edu/message-civility-public-discourse.html

It's worth emphasizing: In presenting and defending my point of view, I have no intention or desire to attack, demean, or demonize anyone - male or female - who feels differently. I simply intend to present my reasons for believing as I do. If you believe differently, please believe me when I say that I completely respect you and your opinions.

Ok - why do I feel strongly that Catholic institutions should not be compelled to provide birth control to their constituents? I have several reasons, all of which I believe can be boiled down to the statement that I do not think that engaging in birth control, especially artificial birth control, should be automatically viewed as a "preventive health measure" for women.

I have also heard the argument that birth control not covered by insurance is quite costly. My personal perception is that this is not typically the case, especially in areas where Planned Parenthood or other similar clinics are available.

Regardless of the cost of birth control, I have trouble supporting the justification for health care providers having to supply it when there is a much simpler and cheaper alternative to artificial birth control, namely, not having sex. I know - it sounds kind of cold and flippant to suggest that, and I'm not trying to take away from any woman's right to experience to full breadth of her potential as a human. At the same time, this doesn't change the fact that a simple and reliable alternative to contraception exists. I feel that an important part of life is accepting that one's choices bring consequences, which could include unintended pregnancy.

Many folks don't subscribe to the view that not having sex is a viable option, and that's why contraception is so readily available. I think that's probably a good thing. However, I also know that the Catholic church believes that sex should leave open the possibility for procreation. I do not believe that a private institution should be compelled to act against its core values - especially in light of what I believe is the widespread and affordable accessibility of contraception elsewhere.

From my perspective, the contraception issue goes a little deeper than a simple desire for respect of an institution's traditions. It goes deeper in that I think the Catholic Church's views and practices may actually protect women in the long run, and I don't believe they should have to facilitate a practice that could, at least from their perspective, hurt women. Ok, that sounds like crazy talk. What am I getting at?

I'm getting at the fact that my own life experiences and my observations of those close to me have reinforced my belief that casual sex is not always (I may go so far as to say even is not typically) a good thing for women. I don't say that because I envision an angry God lurking about balancing on the balls of his feet to gleefully smite the next girl that partakes in careless sex out of wedlock - I say it because I've seen how easy it is for a girl to get hurt with sex. (If anything, I envision a loving God who just wants to hug a girl who ends up in a situation that she regrets.) How many times have you comforted a female friend who just had her heart broken by some daft male who just wasn't on the same wavelength as she was with regards to commitment, seriousness, long term interest? How many times have these - miscommunications - arisen out of the fact that sexual intercourse can often affect a female's perception of a relationship (or the potential thereof) drastically differently than it does a male's?

I'm not slinging mud at guys OR girls over this. But, it has also been my perception and experience that sexual intercourse in the context of a committed, long-term, supportive relationship has much more beneficial effects on the female than sexual intercourse in other situations. (I can't speak to the relative pros or cons for guys - I'm not a dude.) I feel that the ready availability of birth control can sometimes enable females to participate in sexual situations that end up harming them, and so it's hard for me to support a mandate that can facilitate this. To me the ultimate "preventive health measure" would be the development of societal norms that promote and facilitate mutual respect between men and women.

I know that the knee-jerk reaction may be to say that casual sex will always happen regardless, and that may be true - but I still believe that any private institution that believes otherwise and wishes to act in ways that it believes may help contribute to a culture where sex is carefully and respectfully undertaken has the right to do. This is especially true to me when the practices in question are a passive refusal to facilitate certain behavior, and do not involve active attacks against those who still choose to engage therein.

Ok, so what about folks who are in long-term, committed relationships? What about them? Don't they deserve to have birth control provided to them, especially if having contraception means that a woman can work a full-time job for as long as she likes to help support the household? When I was in high school they taught us about "Natural Family Planning" which refers to the practice of monitoring a woman's monthly cycle to map out which days she is fertile and avoiding having sex on those days. The idea is that two people in a committed relationship can work together to keep track of which days are "safe" for sex and avoid intercourse on the few days that are not (at the same time undertaking in "other fun activities" if they aren't completely exhausted from long days at work, caring for other children, etc. :-)).

Again, this practice - which statistically is as effective as artificial birth control - is designed not only to increase intimacy between the couple, but also to continually remind the couple that the physical purpose of sex is for procreation and to enable them to remain open to the possibility thereof. I support the idea of being open to and respecting all life, and I would embrace any initiative - even one that raised my taxes - that was designed to provide childcare, meals, non-judgmental support, or whatever else necessary to assist a woman who found herself unexpectedly expecting (regardless of whether she were married.)

The perspective I presented here resonates with me, and I understand that it does not resonate with all folks. I get it, and I'm not on a crusade to take away birth control from everyone who wants it - especially when some of those folks are dear friends whom I adore and would never seek to demean or criticize. I'm simply saying that because the Catholic church's reasons for not wanting to provide birth control make sense to me, especially from a completely secular perspective, I fully support their right to act in accordance with their principles.

Arrrgh

http://www.wjla.com/articles/2012/02/local-bar-gets-tv-makeover--72717.html

My stint at Piratz Tavern as a fortune teller lasted less than six months. (Work, school, and a relocation prevented me from settling down into real routine at the bar - don't get me wrong; lots of good things were going on in my life to cause all those changes so I can't complain...)

My only point is that I barely knew Tracey at all, but it didn't take much knowing to discern how caring she is. It turns my stomach a bit to see her bar described as "infantile" and to hear of her being the butt of some dingbat's "tough love" approach to economics.

I know it sounds cliche, but Tavern seriously was a place where I felt like I could just be myself...a version of myself wearing a black dress, scarves, and gypsy jingles, but myself. Of course it was escapist, and of course there's something a little goofy about that, but it was FUN. Just fun. I'm not the most outgoing person in the world, and so I loved having the chance to be a character - to laugh and sing and tell fortunes. (Oh, and drink...)

My first time telling fortunes there, all of my clients were Tavern regulars. Some of them were merely curious, and some of them were sniffing me out. It didn't feel like they were doing it out of malice; I felt like they were basically telling me, "Look, Tracy is a good person. She's seriously a really good awesome person. She's been good to me and if you're going to try to be a part of her life I'm going to make sure you aren't going to screw her over. Cool?" And because I agreed that she is a good person, it was cool.

Thankfully, I passed the tests, and at the end of that evening (after I had read a handful of fortunes, largely successfully, and was more than a little intoxicated), Tracy came over and toasted me: "Welcome to the family!"

I went home buzzing.

Every time I went to Tavern after that, I left at the end of the night with the same feeling. The place had the energy of folks who were throwing down to have a good time, who were indulging their imagination and sense of humor to blow off steam from whatever the rest of their life had pelted them with. It was good.

I'm sorry to see it changing, but I'm even sorrier to see Tracey being dragged through this. My deepest hope is that everyone she has stood by will reciprocate her loyalty with support for the new establishment. I honestly believe that the best way to honor what Piratz was is to fill the new place with the same energy of enjoyment that was experienced before.

I know that I'll be going in that spirit to show my support in the very near future.