Femi-what?

I've put a lot of thought into this, and I want to choose my words carefully.

Feminism brought LOTS of massive improvements to the life of women. I think that the greatest thing it brought us was (in theory) the opportunity for each woman to be independent - not to have to rely on other people who might not have her best interests at stake. I am thankful for the work of all the women who came before me whose efforts ensured that I will *never* *ever* *ever* have to blindly and unwillingly owe myself or my services to another. The value of that is unmistakable and cannot be understated.

That said, there are also days when I'd give anything to be able to be a stay at home caretaker (wife? mother? nanny? something?). Cleaning, cooking, keeping things in order, guiding children as they learn, grow, and mature, or doing the occasional volunteer job - all of those blended together, allowing me to completely express the nurturing side of me that is harder to completely express in an engineering job - sounds wonderful. Yes, please. Is that bad? Am I betraying my gender and our freedom by expressing a desire to engage in some aspects of the life that women have been freed from?

I think another way to approach this is with the following question: Did feminism intend for "traditional" women's jobs (housekeeper, babysitter, etc) to become so financially and socially undervalued? I don't know. It just seems like there can be this attitude that the only thing that's valued for a woman to be doing is working, working, working, and building her own career and making money as an individual, and that putting real time and effort into something like building a family is being lazy (if the woman chooses it) or is an unfair burden keeping her from self-actualization (if she doesn't choose it.)

For me, the fact that my Mom stayed at home while we were young, gradually working more and more hours as we grew up - I felt like everything she did was an expression of love for us. I'm not saying that anyone who doesn't do what she did doesn't love their kids, at all - but I'm saying that sometimes *I*, as a "modern woman" feel a lot of pressure explicitly not to do what she did. It would be nice, I think, if there wasn't pressure *either* way - I feel like, if we *all* were left to our own devices to follow what path we truly want to, we'd figure out ways to make our own life plans work out. Why all the judgment and pressure? Why does anyone think they have the right to define what a woman, or a man, should or shouldn't be doing, in either direction?