Became

Two weekends ago I saw “Becoming Jane” with some of the girls. Not having known anything about Jane Austen’s life before seeing the movie, I’ll admit that I was pretty bummed out by the ending. The true story that inspired “Pride and Prejudice” seemed – more than anything – to be a depressing reminder that the reason many stories end happily is that they are written as an escape from the dreary and painful nature of real life.

The more I think about it, though, the more I think that “Becoming Jane” should actually be considered somewhat of a triumphant story. First, even though Jane and her rogue suitor never get to wed, it is still momentous that they do find Actual Love in each other. I think that perhaps this (whole entry) is a somewhat obvious point that can often get taken for granted. How many people do ever encounter the sort of love that buoys the spirit, that acts as a true companion to one’s own soul? I don’t know. I hope that most people do...

Second, I think Jane’s decision to return to her family in order to prevent Tom from having to lose his position and quit supporting his own family shows a sort of selflessness often absent from most people’s attitudes about love and relationships. Her realization that the elopement would eventually lead to resentment that would stifle the pair’s love shows an admirable depth of understanding about the nature and value of love.

Jane and Tom were lucky. At the least, they didn’t part on bad terms, and they were able to live out their respective lives while maintaining ownership of their bond. That Tom would name his daughter after Jane and that Jane would write an immortal novel conceived from their relationship demonstrates that the companionship between two kindred spirits can still be corporeal even when the two are kept from a conventional partnership. How much more painful their lives would have been had they not both possessed the maturity to make sensible choices, and in some ways – not to give up on each other.

So – if her situation, this finding of love, is such a good thing in spite of the fact that she lives out her life as a spinster, then what’s the point of love in the first place?

I argue that love itself is only good for its own sake. Love can only be counted on for letting us know that we do have a kindred spirit, and that in the deepest sense possible We Are Not Alone. Anything beyond that – and I would also think that some sort of acknowledgement is essential in either case - is icing.

Certainly, love becomes an essential ingredient for, say, successfully starting and maintaining a family. I think though that a lot of people make the mistake of chaining love to expectation and obligation at the expense of practicality. I would contend, as Jane did, that Actual Love *demands* no such things, and that to use love as leverage for gaining those truly only stifles the connection that might otherwise have survived or even flourished when left to its own devices.

As I said, nothing too earth shattering here today, but it seemed worth writing about.