Nash

If you happen to be particularly prayerfully inclined, please say one or two for my family.

As far as it goes, I guess things could be much worse. Nobody's dying (or in danger thereof), and we're all in it together - it's not like the family's being split apart, not like anyone's being hurt or betrayed.

All the same, it's hard. Imagine what it would be like if you were just minding your own business living your own life, and all of a sudden you're accosted by a bunch of folk telling you that your world is completely fake. Not only that, but they're going to "fix" you by forcing you to take a bunch of drugs that you don't feel like you need and that pretty much make you feel like an entirely different person.

You'd probably freak the hell out. You'd probably be extremely upset at everyone trying to "help" you since as far as YOU can tell, they're just making it worse. Besides that, you've got this nagging feeling that people are going behind your back, that you aren't in control at all, and that YOUR life and everything you want it to be isn't even actually your own. (Which, actually, is an entirely accurate perception...)

It's enough to ruin anyone's day, really...and enough to make one really frustrated and lash out at anyone trying to help. I've never seen a situation that seems so devoid of ANY hint of a solution.

When I was a freshman, I took a class called "Environmental Rhetoric" and the Big Question throughout the course was "Who Speaks For Nature?" At first I'd thought that the question was asking about who ADVOCATES for nature, but the course was actually getting at a more fundamental question: Who, legitimately, is the VOICE of nature? I feel like we're in a similar situation now...

In other news, life here is still pretty good. I went out last night and had a really good time hanging out with some people I didn't know all that well. Being on Walnut St. brought back fond memories of sophomore year, Laura, and disney songs, hehe. Tonight I'm supposed to be going clubbing with a group of other people...I know I should go have a good time, but right now I'm not really feeling it. I mean, last week I had a lot of fun, but at the same time it takes a lot of energy to go dance and have a good time and not get picked up by scuzzy guys and not get pawed by same scuzzy guys.

People keep on telling me "...You don't really seem like the clubbing type" and I guess in a lot of ways I'm not. I love to dance (also a surprise, it seems, especially since I really don't know how) but I could take or leave a lot of the rest of the experience.

Finally, and I've said this before, but I'll reiterate: I tend to assume that nobody reads this, because I feel like it would be pretty egotistical to assume otherwise, and because most of what I say here I end up talking about in person anyhow...that said, you shouldn't feel like you have to hide the fact that you read it, if you do.