I abhor trying to collaborate on anything, in any facet of life, with a person that is so utterly listless and disengaged that they can't be bothered to give me any sort of complete answer to the questions I have, and then when I take initiative to try and be useful anyway, they can't even be compelled to make use of anything I try to do to assist them. It's even worse being in a position of having to rely on these people (and their arbitrary judgment of whether or not you're "worth" helping, or whether or not they "feel" like getting off their asses to be a part of the team) to get anything done.
Sometimes I'm way too sensitive. I'll take it personally when people brush me off and refuse to engage enough to let me learn enough to help them, even though I should know that it has nothing to do with me and more to do with them and their attitude. But I end up feeling so naive, and so small, as a result of getting treated like it's just not worth anyone's time to have any kind of productive exchange when I try to extend myself. I'm sorry but few people in life are so perfectly capable and competent and on top of their shit as to truly be burdened and held back by someone who just wants to find out enough to help, and I'm sick of getting treated like that.
I know it's supposed to be a part of growing up: getting used to the fact that there's no controlling or programming the way that other people act and feel, and that it's useless and unproductive to waste time and energy feeling upset about it. So, this should be a valuable opportunity for me to get good at being mature and taking the high road, finding ways around unproductive people and situations. I should be excited! I can be such a better person from this!
But mostly I just want to scream.
BAH!!!!!!!
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