Logotherapy

One of my favorite books that I had to read during high school was Man's Search for Meaning, by Victor Frankl. It was divided into two sections: The first was an account of his experiences as a survivor of the Holocaust, and the second was a summary of logotheraphy, which Frankl devised as a result of his experience.

His idea resonated strongly with me because it provided a really good context for a lot of the conflict and tensions that seems typical of the high school years - everyone was searching for an identity, a uniqueness, a meaning. Out of this rose two (mostly imaginary, given the breadth of the actual "real world") difficulties: that there was not enough "identity" to go around, and that one's identity also had to be proven to be better than everyone else's. I think most people resolved both of these easily enough by finding a supportive, trusted, group of friends and letting the details resolve themselves.

One thing that I noticed was that most social groups didn't have very many people who were extremely similar. I mean, they might have dressed similarly, but beyond that there weren't actually that many matching personalities. I know that a lot of the tension I went through came from trying to figure out who I was and trying to differentiate myself from someone(s)who was/were, unfortunately, exactly like me in a lot of ways. Looking back, a lot of our "issues" weren't really issues and it's still sad to think that I lost a friend just because it seemed like there wasn't enough space, weren't enough different friends, in that one little school for the both of us to coexist without stepping on the other's toes. Being away from that environment, in a place mostly unconnected to all of them, has let me find the confidence in myself and the niche for myself that I really needed in high school.

I've noticed that finding meaning, for many people, indicates some sort of need to have an identity which is defined as much by what we do as by the perceptions of those around us. And I think that to some extent this is only rational - our view of ourselves can be as skewed as the views of those around us, and I think that to use others as our mirror is only human nature. I've also observed relationships (friendships and romantic bonds) ruined by tension caused in this search for meaning.

While I see the rationality and need for a moderate amount of the above, I also think that one of the most important challenges in life is finding this meaning (aka self confidence) from the inside out, instead of the opposite. I think that when people define their meaning in terms of having the same friends as a given person, or chasing the same boys as a given person, or making decisions based on the actions of another person, they cause themselves (not to mention the other person) an undue amount of hardship and hurt. Not only is a life fueled by jealousy and competition completey and utterly nerve-wracking and emotionally draining (speaking from experience here) but in the end, it only sets that person's own development back by quite a bit. What's happening to your real self while the outside "you" is running around chasing someone else's identity? Stagnating? Even worse, what happens when you're making life decisions based on the "outer" you and your inner you is sitting back, miserable and suffocating? Most people seem to deny themselves just because they think that their goals aren't normal, or mainstream, or profitable enough - but how many of our heroes are people who silenced those excuses and made something real out of their dreams?

My final thought is this: having one's own identity should not (automatically at least) imply that a person is incapable of successfully sharing one's life with another. Most of the successful marriages that I've watched seem to be successful in part because the couple has found a way to address the challenge of living a life that truly is one life, while still maintaining outlets for their identities. One of my favorite examples to think of is a military couple who never had children. The hustband has devoted his life to the military, and the wife does a lot of social/volunteer work that supports her husband's role. They both are extremely busy and spend their days completely differently, but the end result goes towards the same mission. It seems to be a good complement, and the sort of thing that I want out of my life some day.