Ghostbusters

The past couple days have been really interesting.

I've been having a lot of conversations - with other people, and with myself. I've looked a couple of my fears (inner demons, for the more dramatically inclined among us) in the eye and faced them down relatively well.

Trust is important. It's hard to be a part of reality without trust - you can make a fine construction of it, as long as you're smart enough - but things are never really going to solidify, even on a personal level, without trust. I'd rather have this feeling of sitting on a chair inside myself ready to face the world, instead of that stifled, nervous, terribly empty and anxious "descent of the bell-jar" feeling I was carrying around last August. Much better to have a firm sense of self, and risk getting that self hurt, than to wander around selfness and numb.

Something else.

Experience and understanding.

Humans are such strange, different, creatures. I don't think using the word "diversity" really hits what I'm getting at. I had a conversation last night about love, and emotions, and how much of it's really based on chemistry. Even if it is something so purely scientific, I wonder how much that honestly changes things. Happiness is happiness, yes? I guess it's all a matter of how you look at it, and if you're the type of person that finds a measure of solidity in quantifiable phenomena, or if you're the type that needs things to be a bit fuzzier - more room for "hope", or "magic" or "miracles."

I think I tend toward the latter, but the beauty of this is that given something as complex as a human being - the two trends blur, I think, and become something close to the same.

Along the lines of humanity and complexity....genes are funny things.

The past 16 or so hours have been interesting. I've seen and experienced behavior that comes from - where? Some combination of symbols handed out through some randomized process? In the end, people still need what they've always needed - love, and perhaps more than love - understanding and acceptance.

I learned something really important about myself last night, something that's always going to stay in the back of my mind. I'm still turning it over in my head, figuring out exactly what to do with it...it's given me something to think about, possibly something to research and work on. Taking a weakness and making a strength. Everyone likes a project, yes?


I'm off to Denver for a few days with the family. I should be pretty much always reachable on the phone (I'm talking to a couple of you in particular) ...looking forward to the quiet time with the family, the snow, seeing the mountains (OMG MOUNTAINS)...just living for a few more days.