So, I just ran into Josh-from-high-school. He's at CMU majoring in Directing, and I'm doing my nerdly thing, so we hardly ever see each other. In high school we were really good friends, though.
We stopped to chat for a few minutes, and I caught him up on my life in the past few months since I've seen him. He told me about a show he's running on 17 February, and I'm going to try and make it over. (Something about the average person thinking at 180 words per minute, and having n seconds after decapitation of thoughts left, and presenting the internal monologues of 8 people after they die.)
I was walking away when it occurred to me that I've known Josh for, like, almost 7 years now. For someone who moved every 2-3 years growing up, that's an eternity. I realized that he's the one person on Earth (family excluded) who's actually witnessed me going through all of my relationships and all the funny family stuff and everything else that goes on over time...it also made me stop to realize how long it takes to really, really, get to know someone.
I probably know him as well now as I did in high school - not any better. So it takes, what, 3 or 4 years just seeing someone a few hours a day, watching how they act and interact with others, talking at lunch, etc. to really know them?
It makes sense...it's also not really something that can be engineered (damnit.)
Hmm.
There's something just about - time - that seems to enable really knowing someone. Maybe it's some kind of averaging effect.
Right. Time to head off and bask in the glory that is being young and having so many years of getting to know people to look forward to. And also possibly to finish that pile of work I've been cutting through over the day. Maybe a nap, too.
2 comments:
Can you ever really know someone?
Does anyone really know you?
Is it possible to even understand oneself?
Nietzsche wrote that all men wear masks, sometimes without even realizing it. I believe it is possible to look behind the mask and know the real person, though I'd count myself lucky to understand even a few people so well in my lifetime. I think it's even rarer for that understanding to be mutual.
Time is an important consideration in this, but probably not the most important. It takes determination, no small effort, and experience with living. It can be a frustrating enterprise because people change so quickly, particularly in their youth. Just when you think you have a piece of the puzzle figured out, you find that you are wrong.
You may also be discouraged by what you discover. People usually present their preferred selves to the public, often with good reason. Some people find it impossible to recover when their idols fall from their pedestals, but that's when determination and commitment matter.
Why even try when the required effort can be so great and the rewards are so uncertain? I think it's because we instinctually understand that life is better when it's not lived alone.
Thanks for another thought provoking post.
You bring up another interesting point about knowing one's self. I think most people (or maybe just I) tend to assume that, even though it's somewhat of a contradiction, we always understand our own motives, even subconsciously, for acting (reacting) as we do.
Realizing that we don't always know ourselves can be terrifying at times - but life goes on, and things always tend to work out.
Hmm. :-)
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